Posts Tagged ‘Bear Witness’
Showing Compassion
Monday, July 22nd, 2013
The Pali word for lovingkindness, metta, means unconditional friendliness, warmth, love or care, and the Pali word for compassion, karuna, means to “feel with,” to bear suffering with an active sympathy. In his wisdom the Buddha realized that by purposefully awakening lovingkindness and compassion, we invite the alienated hurts and fears into consciousness, and free ourselves into a wholeness of being.
Tara Brach, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart
My books all have the same theme lately —compassion. The word “compassion” seems to be in neon lights. First I read a quote by Pema Chödrön, “Just as nurturing our ability to love is a way of awakening bodhichitta, so also is nurturing our ability to feel compassion. Compassion, however, is more emotionally challenging than loving-kindness because it involves the willingness to feel pain. It definitely requires the training of a warrior.”
Then I came across the book, Training in Compassion: Zen Teachings on the Practice of Lojong, by Norman Fisher. There were many sections on empathy and compassion. Fisher writes, “Remember that compassion literally means to feel passion with. Passion means pain. Compassion is the willingness to feel pain with another, to feel another’s pain as one’s own.” He goes on to write, “And it turns out that it’s impossible to take in the pain of another unless we are able to take in our own pain.”
This gave me the clarity I have been seeking after taking some time off to heal and rest. I noticed how difficult it was for people to show compassion. They wanted to reach out and be kind, but somehow the offerings were more about advice-giving, cheerful words, or awkward silence. I realized that what I really wanted was for people to listen, to feel, and to acknowledge.
By sitting in the pain, we allow it to rise up, be acknowledged, and then bless it. Having a witness – a friend – to do that with makes it all the more holy. Looking at our own pain gives us the ability to sit with others in theirs.
What are your experiences or thoughts on compassion?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Tuesday, February 12th, 2013
There is an incredible new book out, The Dude and the Zen Master, written by what many might think is an unlikely duo – an actor and a Zen Buddhist. Yet, this book by Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman takes a look at life through the lens of The Big Lebowski. The book is part mystical, part Zen, part humor, part journey, part compassion in action. What I loved about the book is that throughout their entire conversation (on many topics), there was a deep sense of the importance of showing up, being present, and staying true to oneself.
One of their dialogs includes Glassman sharing with Bridges his insight about how to have a mindset without having expectations. He says it can be summed up with these words:
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.
It is all about going with the flow, staying in the present, and doing it merrily. The song doesn’t say go down the stream crankily. It reminds us to row our boats, change our oars when we need to, and to be gentle with ourselves. As Glassman says, “There are different streams. Sometimes you come to a fall and sometimes you come to white water. Your rowing has to adapt to the situation. So gently is really important. Don’t power yourself or blast through; rock with the way things are.”
The book gives you the sense you are sitting in the room listening in on a profound conversation and you get to bear witness. You will feel grateful for being able to listen to the conversation and Bridges and Glassman’s insights from acting to Zen Buddhism to sacred activism.
Row, row, row your boat is a way of looking at life in the present, being gentle, and changing shores. As Glassman say, “Take care of yourself right now. Befriend what’s happening, not just who you’re supposed to be or what the world should look like. This is where you are now, so how do you care for yourself this minute?”
Treat yourself to this powerful exchange between two incredible human beings.