That’s not to say I don’t have bad moments, depressing days, frustrating situations, and negative attitudes — I do! Just last week I told a close friend and colleague, “I suck.” I couldn’t get out of my own way and all I could see was everything that was not working. I was annoyed at the MTA for their numerous delays (& filthy trains). I was aggravated with a team I was working with on a project who showed up late to a big meeting. I became extremely angry at an organization that wrote they were returning only about a third of my money when I informed them I couldn’t attend their conference in May (despite four months notice). I was so overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do, I just started crying in my office. I had feelings of stupidity and unworthiness flood through me. At the same time, I still kept working, writing, praying, meditating, resting, calling friends, and laughing. I am all of it.

I write inspiring words, poetry, prayers, and creative ideas because it helps me move through the muck. The words are for myself as much as they are for those that read them.  Am I really that positive? I guess I would answer: I am really that human.

Humbly yours,
Mary Anne

News reports come in about the collapsing of the UN mission headquarters, people wanting to up rise as they wait for food and water to arrive, and the fires that spread. Then new reports start coming in how people in Haiti spontaneously start walking and singing hymns in the streets. We watch as people from all over the world come together to provide relief in various forms. We can help by donating to organizations such as, the American Red Cross, Doctors Without Borders, and a new fundraising effort spearheaded yesterday by former Presidents, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. Many credit card companies are even waiving fees on denotations. In our greatest tragedy comes our greatest humanity.

In our heightened state of grief, we can give generously. We give to our friends in Haiti because in them we see ourselves. We are our Haitian brothers and sisters. Let’s all come on up for the rising of relief.

In the words of Bruce Springsteen’s song, The Rising:

“Sky of blackness and sorrow (a dream of life)
Sky of love, sky of tears (a dream of life)
Sky of glory and sadness (a dream of life)
Sky of mercy, sky of fear (a dream of life)
Sky of memory and shadow (a dream of life)
Your burn’ wind fills my arms tonight
Sky of longing and emptiness (a dream of life)
Sky of fullness, sky of blessed life (a dream of life)

Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine

Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight.”

Let’s all rise up and bring compassionate action to the men, women, and children in Haiti.

Mary Anne

Amma - Hugging Saint

“The first step in spiritual life is to have compassion. A person who is kind and loving never needs to go searching for God. God rushes toward any heart that beats with compassion-it is God’s favorite place.”

- Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi Devi)

I joined hundreds, if not thousands, of New Yorker’s last week when I went to the Manhattan Center to receive darshan with Amma. Amma is affectionately known as ‘mother’, ‘hugging mother’, and ‘hugging saint’. She has devoted most of her life to humanitarian causes around the world, especially in her home country of India. Amma says her sole mission is “to love and serve one and all.” Her only wish is “that her hands should always be on someone’s shoulder, consoling and caressing them and wiping their tears, even while breathing her last.” Amma’s purpose is to embrace the world – otherwise known as an Amma hug. She holds you tightly in her arms, like a mother holding a new born baby. She whispers in the ear of each person she hugs, and can often be heard saying, “my dear, dear child.”

There are no words to possibly express the experience with Amma – each person has their own spiritual awakening. While in her presence, I found myself more open to the divinity within. After receiving my blessing, my hug, my embrace, and love, I walked away wanting to just sit in stillness and silence. I found that I wanted to be reminded of love, compassion, and service. I wanted to rest in the place of noticing how love shows up in my life. I wanted to hear the sound of my heartbeat and my breath. I wanted to look at each person that caught my eye and just smile.

I watched as each person slowly walked away from Amma’s embrace – many smiling, others with tears rolling down their cheeks, and others placing their hands on their hearts. As I watched streams of people, everything suddenly slowed down, and I realized that I was also smiling and crying simultaneously. I closed my eyes and prayed for the willingness to give myself the same compassion Amma so lovingly shared with me.

In one simple and profound act, Amma is able to touch the hearts and minds of millions of people. But with Amma it is more than being held – it is being seen and loved for being a gift to the world. It is an act of selfless service by BEING with people where they are at. As I continue to feel the love vibrate within, I am reminded of all the things I do each day for work, for school, for getting through each day and it is not the actions that are the service, but the love I give to them. If I can show up each day with love and compassion with myself and all those I meet, I can be of more service to the world.

In what ways do we embrace the world, or even embrace one another? As Amma says, “Love is the foundation of a happy life. Knowingly or unknowingly we are forgetting this truth.” Amma on several occasions has said that it is important not only to feel love but also to express it. “After all, love is our true nature. When we do not express love in our words and actions it is like honey hidden in a rock.”

How do you share love and compassion? How do you want to be of more service each and every day?

Dedicated to Amma, to my friend Padmini, to Lorene, to my beloved mom, and to all those who generously share their smile and hugs with me.

I AM Love, Mary Anne

Michael Jackson - Apollo Theater NYC

I have been watching the television coverage about the life and death of Michael Jackson. I sang my heart out all weekend listening to his songs. I cried when I stood at the memorial at the Apollo Theater. I stood alongside so many people of all ages, races, ethnicities shedding tears, writing on the memorial wall, taking photos, and singing his songs at the top of my lungs. The entire way home, I blasted WKTU and sang “Billy Jean”, “Man in the Mirror”, and “ABC” over and over again.

It is so easy to get caught up in the media circus. I don’t have the time or the patience to separate truth from fiction. All I know is this — I loved his music. His death feels like I lost a piece of my childhood and the innocence of that time of my life. It was life before social media, full-time tabloids, and 24 hours of streaming news. It was a time of adolescence and blaring MTV videos.

I have vivid memories of singing and dancing to Michael Jackson videos in the basement with my sister. There we would be, after finally getting cablevision, and I can still see that brown box with the long wire, playing channel 29, and blasting MTV until we heard the pound on the side of the wall from our parents to “Lower the music!” With his music, I felt like I could sing and dance. I imitated him like so many other young people. From “Beat It” to “Heal the World,” his music has been a part of my life through adolescence into adulthood.

Michael Jackson’s death at the age of 50 evoked great sadness in me. I found myself saying he was too young. I feel this way because I lost my mother at the age of 55 and the anniversary of her death is approaching. The more I thought about it, I realized I was the one putting the age limitations on life. Perhaps people pass in their own time, and while I may miss them and want them to live longer, it is not for me to judge that they were too young to die. People pass at an age that they need to move on — and it is for me to learn how to move on with the lessons and gifts they shared.

Life is a gift. Every day, every sunrise, every breath is a gift. As a friend once told me many years ago that we can toss “the flowers” while the person is alive so they get to hear it.

Michael Jackson was many things to many people and although he was controversial, he was also a brilliant musician, artist, dancer, and influenced music beyond words. I don’t know his whole story, what happened in his childhood, or even what happened the day he died. All I know is that his music inspires me, makes me smile, and move my feet. His lyrics are contagious and powerful. How can we not be inspired by the words, “If we wannna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make that change.”? Thank you for the music, Michael.

Dedicated to the life and legacy of Michael Jackson. Rest in Peace.

Mary Anne

This weekend marks the 40^th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. This is an opportunity to look back with gratitude for all who stood outside the Stonewall Inn and stood up for GLBT rights and say thank you. It is also an opportunity to make sure that all the sacrifices by those who came before us were not made in vain. They prepared the way for greater liberation for all. We can thank them by our continued efforts to educate, advocate, and bring our ideas and visions forward.

At a time when our President announces benefits for same-sex federal employees, we still have a military policy of, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” At a time when couples are rushing to Iowa (yes, Iowa!) to get married, many states are telling us that civil unions are enough or worse yet, reversing same-sex marriage.

People have told me to wait until the right time to speak about marriage equality, adoptions, and medical protections. “When is the right time for civil rights?” asked Lance Black, screen writer for the movie Milk. He went on to say that this country historically has worked on civil rights issues during times of unrest. Was it good timing when Rosa Parks sat at the front of the bus? Every movement has its time and I believe this is our time to open up the conversation for equality for the GLBT community. If we think back to the time of prosperity during the Clinton presidency, we walked away with two terrible policies, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act).

Everyone has their views and I respect that. What I really desire is a society that honors love between adults. I dream of a day when it is not a matter of straight marriage and gay marriage, but honoring love. I have been with my partner for 15 wonderful years. We are present in the lives of our families during both times of joy and pain. We have lost loved ones and have been there for each other through sickness and health. Yet, I have to consciously decide when and to whom to share my life’s story and how. I have to choose how to answer medical forms which often leave my relationship out when I am asked to circle, “married, single or divorced.” I have had to accept being introduced (after 15 years) as my partners “friend.” I accept that change is slow and I accept that change is possible – because on a personal level, I have changed how I show up in the world and live my life with openness and vulnerability.

The best part of my life is the fact that I share it with everyone – men, women, gay, straight, bi-sexual, African American, Indian, white, social workers, city workers, life coaches, shamans, writers, nuns, nurses, business owners etc…I love that we are all of it. We are woven into the fabric of society.

The gift of Stonewall is that we stood up and said we are here – see us. I didn’t “come out” because I wanted people to tolerate me. I came out because I wanted folks to know I love and hurt like everyone else. This is a time of celebrating 40 years of a rich and diverse community. This year, I invite you to stand alongside a gay or lesbian friend or family member. Stand alongside and thank them for the gift of love and courage they give to the world. Stonewall lives on.

I am grateful for all the men and women who went before me and stood up for their right to be loved and love others – no matter their sexual orientation. I am grateful for all those in the Stonewall Rebellion. I am grateful for my loving life partner, Lorene, for 15 wonderful years.

How can we choose the essential? I started looking at all the “stuff” in my life. These are the things that fill up my home, my desk, my inbox, and even the trunk of my car. I began to notice that I was surrounded by so many unessential things. My vision is to live more succinctly. I want to be able to live with fewer things and make myself available for more experiences. A rich filled life for me is not having more things, but the ability to spend time with good friends, travel to new places, and create space for more learning.

To live succinctly means keeping the essential and letting the rest fall away. A good example that Babauta refers to in choosing the essential is in a poetry form known as a haiku. A haiku is Japanese style poetry written in seventeen syllables on three lines (five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables). A haiku is usually written about a nature related ordinary moment. Back in 1990, I wrote a Haiku poem in response to some volunteer work I was doing with children in the Bahamas.

Little arms and hands

Wrapped around my waist show me

The beauty of God-

Here is to speaking and living succinctly – and noticing what begins to show up in your life. Are there places in your life where you can set limitations and free yourself for more of the essential? Take notice of how you fill your days, your desk, and your home.

Start with the beauty of a Haiku. Everyone is invited to send me their haiku poems and I will post them. Send your poems to toningtheom@yahoo.com.

This blog is dedicated to all my English teachers who inspired me to read poetry and encouraged me to write. The haiku is dedicated to all the children in the Bahamas where living succinctly and lovingly was a gift I still carry today.

Truth Be Told - I Choose You

I opened up my email from a friend, and read the first line, “Truth be told – I choose you.” Seeing the words on the screen, a flood of tears came. I took a breath and read it again. More tears came rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly, I felt overcome with emotion. I turned the computer off and just repeated the words. I felt a huge release come over my body. I began to shake and I could feel an old protective rusty cage around my heart snap open. My heart felt softer and expansive at the same time. Years of caution and mistrust just melted away with that one powerful line.

My heart felt open and ready to receive love. I wiped the tears from my face and sat quietly. I repeated the line, truth be told – I choose you, over and over again. Voicing the phrase aloud, I felt an enormous power inside that revealed a pure essence that has always been there, but one I had not accepted. Each word in that line was a transformative vibration – truth, be, told, I, choose, you. This phrase represented the grandest invitation to life. This is the experience of totality – the gift of fully inviting another person on your life’s journey. It’s the power of invitation.

When we invite others to join us on our journey, we open ourselves up to a vulnerable place that can reveal incredible gifts. If we really allow others into our hearts, we can experience the fullness of life. One invitation can be the difference in how we experience the world. Inviting others into our world can be a life changing event. Truth be told – I chose you was a spiritual awakening.

I so deeply experienced the intimacy of allowing a friend to connect with my essence – it wasn’t about what I do or who I know – it was about inviting me because of who I AM. I felt like an apostle when Jesus said, “Come, Follow Me.” This is the greatest of faiths. The invitation is about dropping everything to be present with another.

I turned the computer back on, read the line, and smiled. I felt so much gratitude to have such a wonderful friend and hoped she knew just how powerful that opening line was in her message. There was so much relief after so many years of carrying such a protective cage around my heart. Now, my heart feels open to receive more love in every form.

How do you invite more love into your life? Byron Katie says, “Love is action.” Choose to invite someone into your heart. Give the gift of invitation.

Truth Be Told – I Choose You, Too!

Special thanks to my friend for sending me this powerful message of invitation and love. I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for opening my heart and feeding my soul.

More Love!

Mary Anne

Peace - There's An App for That

“Do you want to identify a bird? There’s an app for that.” “Do you need to find a pizza place in Brooklyn? There’s an app for that.” “Do you want to find the place with the best surfing conditions? There’s an app for that.”After watching so many commercials about the iPhone, I have come to realize that they have over 35,000 applications (app). There’s an app for almost anything right at your finger tips.

This started my thinking about what other kind of apps could be added. What about having a peace app? What would a peace app look and feel like? What if just by hitting the peace app button, a whole screen opened up for us to fully experience peace? Perhaps that app already exists inside each of us and it is just a matter of accessing it.

There is an incredible CD, Celebrate Peace, by Snatam Kaur. This CD is about spreading hopeful messages about practicing and cultivating peace. Kaur talks about all of us sharing in the vision of witnessing peace everyday all around us. Kaur says, “Peace begins with choice, develops through practice, and spreads by example.” The question then becomes, are we willing to practice and share peace with one another? It starts with each person being peace. We can then see peace in each other.

Each of us can be the peace story. On a cold day in January 2003, an “old man” stands by the side of the road in upstate New York holding up a sign. The United States had just declared that we would go to war. And one man stood in bitter cold temperatures wrapped in a flannel shirt and wearing a winter cap with a sign that simply read – PEACE. That man was Pete Seeger. He has spent his lifetime teaching and living peace by cleaning up the Hudson River and singing songs of hope and peace. He just turned 90 years old this year and is still gathering folks to joyfully sing together. Seeger’s songs are about spreading peace and harmony throughout the world.

We can celebrate peace each and every day in small and big ways. We can speak kinder words – and listen to one another. We can practice peace in our everyday lives in how we spend time with one another, how we support one another, and how we collaborate with one another. Let’s celebrate every moment of peace. As Kaur says, “By celebrating peace, we acknowledge that it exists, call attention to it, unite around it, and inspire others to embrace it.”

Inside of us lives peace. Be peace. Live peace. Love peace. Give peace. Peace be with you – my peace I offer you. Offer each person you meet today your peace.

We are so much more than our technology – we are the human spirit.

Peace – There’s an app for that. Humanity.

This blog is dedicated to Pete Seeger for all his work and music that creates peaceful connections throughout the world.

Peace!
Mary Anne