Archive for the ‘Coaching’ Category
Celebrating International Coaching Week!
Thursday, February 10th, 2011
As part of International Coaching Week, 2/6 – 2/12, I am doing some wellness coaching at various centers and spas. I am also offering special discounts so folks can experience the power of coaching. If you are interested in learning more about life coaching and taking your dreams and goals to the next level, visit my website: http://toningtheom.com
Feel free to check out my Life Coaching Services on Thumbtack as well.
Drop me a line!
Mary Anne
What Scares You More – Failure or Success?
Monday, November 22nd, 2010
“I’ve been terrified every day of my life but that’s never stopped me from doing what I wanted to do.” -Georgia O’Keefe
There is something so freeing and exhilarating when we can challenge and transcend our fears. Dr. Susan Jeffers has a book called, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, that talks about facing and walking through our fears. What’s amazing is that when we walk through our fears, we not only find the fear to be an illusion, but often we find our greatest passion is on the other side of it.
Every time I have a new project, create a new program, post a blog, send a proposal of a workshop, I have a stream of fearful thoughts run through me. Sometimes the fear of success is even bigger than the fear of failure. It is in those moments I think of my friend Fr. Bob who twenty years ago said, “Anytime you do ‘God’s’ work, you ought to be a little afraid.” Work that is meaningful and influential allows me to transcend my fears.
As Joyce Meyers says, “Do It Afraid.” Do one thing this week that scares you – it is a great starting point.
Do something despite your fear and see where it leads you.
Mary Anne
Inspiration, Curiosity, & Positivity
Tuesday, September 28th, 2010
After meeting some of the best and the brightest researchers and educators at a recent Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Intensive, I wanted to share some amazing quotes of inspiration:
“All great leaders by their passion and sense of purpose, and their accomplishments, live a great story.” ~Sanjiv Chopra, MD
“The opponent within one’s head is more daunting that the one on the other side of the net.” ~Sir John Whitmore, PhD
“Positive emotions help us become the best versions of ourselves.” ~Barbara Fredrickson, PhD
“Changes in the internal system will effect changes in the external system and vice versa. This means that how you relate to your Inner Team members is similar to how you relate to the people in your world and vice versa.” ~Richard Schwartz, PhD
“We cannot inspire passion in others without engaging it ourselves.” ~Richard Boyatzis, PhD
“Coaching improves psychological resources that predict higher performance, capacity to change, and mental health, e.g. increasing positivity, resilience, and self-efficacy.” ~Margaret Moore, M.B.A.
You don’t have to be a life coach or a doctor to ask, to be open, to be curious, to connect in ways that allow us to reach our deepest vision of healing and wholeness. As Paul Farmer once said, “The only true nation is humanity.”
Mary Anne
Believing in Your Potential
Monday, September 27th, 2010
I just came home from a Coaching in Medicine and Leadership Intensive with Harvard Medical School. In another blog, I will post some amazing quotes and ideas. I wanted to dedicate this one to sharing why it meant so much to me to go to this Harvard Intensive.
Back in grade school, I was never the best or brightest in class. Teachers often based my grades on my hard work, my creativity, and my enthusiasm. My report cards had remarks like, “Mary Anne is a joy to have in class.” While I may not have understood everything happening in the classroom, I had an insatiable curiosity and loved asking questions.
By the time I went to high school, I felt like I had to work so hard just to keep up. I started to feel very lost and struggled with many classes. By the end of my junior year, I prayed to get through one more year. Not knowing what I would do after high school, I met with my guidance counselor, who after looking at my transcript, told me not to apply to college. My counselor thought I ought to go to a trade school or find a job. She told me I wouldn’t make it through college.
As a Life Coach, I can look back now and see that this counselor didn’t see or believe in my potential. She never asked me what I wanted to do after high school or ask if I wanted to attend college. Fortunately, I had a religion teacher who told me I had a lot of gifts to share with the world. She encouraged me (along with my parents) to attend college and explore classes until I found something that brought me joy.
This teacher saw in me more than I could at 17 and encouraged me to explore and dream — she saw potential and possibility. I graduated college with honors and have gone on to do amazing work with non-profits as well as successfully start my own company.
Going to Harvard Medical school this weekend was symbolic for me. It reminded me that anything is possible and I have even more potential to celebrate.
Who believes in your potential? As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”
Mary Anne
Did You Do Your Best?
Monday, May 3rd, 2010
There was a time growing up when I didn’t doing well in school and my mom asked me, “Did you do your best?” I told her I did and she said that was all I needed to give others – my best. My mom told me I could be anything I wanted and believed in me at times when I didn’t believe in myself.
This past week I completed my certification as a Life/Executive Coach from New York University. It was a big undertaking as I work full-time and run my own company as well as had major family health issues come up while taking classes. There were times I thought I was going to give up. Keeping up with all the courses, homework assignments, readings, completing forms, and coaching clients became all consuming. Yet, through it all, I have met some of the most amazing individuals (some of whom have become my closest friends). I have come across men and women from ages 25 – 65 that see potential and possibility in the individuals, business executives, and organizations they partner with. This exceptional group of coaches is all about life-long learning and developing their own sense of self-mastery. They are vulnerable, generous, and supportive.
After completing the last course, I celebrated with my fellow coaches and then went home and celebrated with my partner, Lorene (who has encouraged me every step of the way). I told her I wish I could have picked up the phone to tell my mom that I finished the coaching program. I still miss hearing her voice. Instead, I opened a box that has photos and other memorabilia and pulled out a photo of the two of us. I looked at a photo of my mom and I, cried, and said, “I did my best.”
Special thanks to all of my family, friends, and coaches for being so supportive on my journey.
Mary Anne
This is dedicated with gratitude & love to my teacher, my coach, my mentor, and my good friend, Paulette Rao.
“Who’s in Your Fab 5?”
Monday, July 20th, 2009
Mary Anne & her drumming Fab 5 in Hawaii
There is an amazing new book out called The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle. Coyle visited some of the world’s greatest “hotbeds”, which are small areas that have produced large amounts of talent. It’s all about having a better understanding of where talent comes from, how we learn, and how we can discover more by our mistakes. Coyle talks a lot about how we can acquire skill by learning about a substance called myelin. “Myelin is the insulation that wraps around nerve fibers and increases signal strength, speed, and accuracy.”
According to Coyle, there is a pattern in acquiring talent that includes, “deep practice, ignition, and master coaching.” I found this fascinating. I always wondered what talents were inherited and which ones were not. How can we increase our level of talent? …Practice, practice, practice.
In looking at how to increase our level of talent, I found there were other factors such as confidence, motivation, and environment. Want to build up that myelin? Here are just a few of my suggestions.
There may be times you want to do something new or increase your level of performance, but fear gets in your way. Notice and acknowledge fear when it arises. The more you push it away, the more it returns – even bigger and louder.
- Make mistakes. We not only learn by doing; we also learn by re-doing. Our brains can actually recalibrate according to what we learn from our mistakes. So, go ahead and use that phrase you did as a kid, “Do-over.”
- “You are who you hang out with.” A good friend of mine, Fr. Bob, once said this to me on a retreat back in 1989. Basically, look around and see who you are hanging around with and that will show you where your energy and actions are drawn towards. Are your friends there to support you on your journey or holding you back? Another way of saying this is, “Who is your Fab 5?” Take an inventory of the people who most influence your life.
- Do something new. Push yourself. Challenge yourself to do one thing that scares you. “Do It Afraid.”
- Ask questions. Push the limits of your brain and your heart. Begin a practice of asking questions daily and see what emerges. Create a question ritual. I find by asking a BIG question, it leads me to what is next in my life. My big question this month is: How can I be of MORE service?
- Follow your breath. Your breath is your will. When you are ready to start a new project, practice your skills, or create a path, start with your breath. Use your breath to guide you. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly and deeply. Awareness of our breath allows for better focus.
- Finally, our coaches were right – practice, practice, practice. Repetition is key when wanting to acquire a new skill.
So, go ahead, make mistakes, practice, and find a good coach. Then look around and ask, “Who’s in your Fab 5?”
Thanks to my “Fab 5” for keeping me on track, pushing me to be more, and allowing the space to practice, to grow, and to develop.
Living Succinctly
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
I recently finished the book The Power of Less, by Leo Babauta. In his book he talks about creating a blueprint for living with less clutter, noise, distractions, and unnecessary interruptions in our daily living. Babauta says, “By setting limitations, we must choose the essential.”
How can we choose the essential? I started looking at all the “stuff” in my life. These are the things that fill up my home, my desk, my inbox, and even the trunk of my car. I began to notice that I was surrounded by so many unessential things. My vision is to live more succinctly. I want to be able to live with fewer things and make myself available for more experiences. A rich filled life for me is not having more things, but the ability to spend time with good friends, travel to new places, and create space for more learning.
To live succinctly means keeping the essential and letting the rest fall away. A good example that Babauta refers to in choosing the essential is in a poetry form known as a haiku. A haiku is Japanese style poetry written in seventeen syllables on three lines (five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables). A haiku is usually written about a nature related ordinary moment. Back in 1990, I wrote a Haiku poem in response to some volunteer work I was doing with children in the Bahamas.
Little arms and hands
Wrapped around my waist show me
The beauty of God-
Here is to speaking and living succinctly – and noticing what begins to show up in your life. Are there places in your life where you can set limitations and free yourself for more of the essential? Take notice of how you fill your days, your desk, and your home.
Start with the beauty of a Haiku. Everyone is invited to send me their haiku poems and I will post them. Send your poems to toningtheom@yahoo.com.
This blog is dedicated to all my English teachers who inspired me to read poetry and encouraged me to write. The haiku is dedicated to all the children in the Bahamas where living succinctly and lovingly was a gift I still carry today.
Peace – There’s an App for That
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
Peace - There's An App for That
“Do you want to identify a bird? There’s an app for that.” “Do you need to find a pizza place in Brooklyn? There’s an app for that.” “Do you want to find the place with the best surfing conditions? There’s an app for that.”After watching so many commercials about the iPhone, I have come to realize that they have over 35,000 applications (app). There’s an app for almost anything right at your finger tips.
This started my thinking about what other kind of apps could be added. What about having a peace app? What would a peace app look and feel like? What if just by hitting the peace app button, a whole screen opened up for us to fully experience peace? Perhaps that app already exists inside each of us and it is just a matter of accessing it.
There is an incredible CD, Celebrate Peace, by Snatam Kaur. This CD is about spreading hopeful messages about practicing and cultivating peace. Kaur talks about all of us sharing in the vision of witnessing peace everyday all around us. Kaur says, “Peace begins with choice, develops through practice, and spreads by example.” The question then becomes, are we willing to practice and share peace with one another? It starts with each person being peace. We can then see peace in each other.
Each of us can be the peace story. On a cold day in January 2003, an “old man” stands by the side of the road in upstate New York holding up a sign. The United States had just declared that we would go to war. And one man stood in bitter cold temperatures wrapped in a flannel shirt and wearing a winter cap with a sign that simply read – PEACE. That man was Pete Seeger. He has spent his lifetime teaching and living peace by cleaning up the Hudson River and singing songs of hope and peace. He just turned 90 years old this year and is still gathering folks to joyfully sing together. Seeger’s songs are about spreading peace and harmony throughout the world.
We can celebrate peace each and every day in small and big ways. We can speak kinder words – and listen to one another. We can practice peace in our everyday lives in how we spend time with one another, how we support one another, and how we collaborate with one another. Let’s celebrate every moment of peace. As Kaur says, “By celebrating peace, we acknowledge that it exists, call attention to it, unite around it, and inspire others to embrace it.”
Inside of us lives peace. Be peace. Live peace. Love peace. Give peace. Peace be with you – my peace I offer you. Offer each person you meet today your peace.
We are so much more than our technology – we are the human spirit.
Peace – There’s an app for that. Humanity.
This blog is dedicated to Pete Seeger for all his work and music that creates peaceful connections throughout the world.
Peace!
Mary Anne
“DO IT AFRAID”
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
Reverend Joyce Meyer tells a true story of “Do It Afraid.” The story is about Elizabeth Elliot, whose husband was killed, along with four other missionaries, in Ecuador. Elizabeth was devastated and said her life was controlled by fear. Every time she felt she was making progress and ready to minister again, her fear stopped her in her tracks. During a conversation about her devastating fear, a friend simply asked, “Why don’t you do it afraid?” Elizabeth listened and she did just that. Along with her friend Rachel, Elizabeth was able to return to Ecuador and minister again, including ministering to the very people who had killed their loved ones.
The first time I heard this line it was posed to me by my Life Coach, Paulette Rao. I was stuck in my own spiral of thoughts and hesitant to move forward. I had expressed how I wanted to make a bigger contribution in the world, but I was playing it safe. I told her I was scared of playing full out. Paulette’s response was, “Playing full out does mean being willing to look at the fear of breaking through instead of living with the feelings of playing small, safe. Playing safe is equivalent to not blowing air into that balloon you talked about for fear of pushing the edges out. Scary place—a place you’ve never been. It is a choice. Fear of failure or the pain of longing, regret, and resentment of not going for it. Playing safe –well, we know that pain.” Paulette then challenged me to, “Do it afraid.” She added, “Which is better – the pain of what you’re doing right now or the pain of breaking through?”
Every time I really show up in the world, I do it afraid. Every time I teach, facilitate a workshop, or lead a meditation, I do it afraid. I do it anyway. I imagine myself as I want to be in the world and I live from that place. I visualize how happy I am when speaking, listening, and holding space with others. I imagine asking myself how did I get through that really hard moment and what did I learn?
In her book, The Soul of Money, Lynn Twist interviews a woman held back by fear. She asked her what it was that got her through those first years of being able to create the opportunities for herself and her daughters. The woman responded, “I stopped letting fear stop me. I was afraid, but I did it anyway. I trusted myself.” This is the place I want to live from. I want to trust myself enough to always do it afraid.
Recently while teaching a weekend intensive, I retold Elizabeth Elliot’s story as a metaphor of how we can show up for ourselves. I reminded participants that we come to the circle alone, scared, worried, and often projecting our own insecurities, but we show up. I invited the participants, many of whom I have taught for three years, to do it afraid. Whatever the ‘it’ is, do it, live it, breathe it. You want to create a Peace Wall – do it. You want to paint in your studio and then create massive sculpture pieces – do it. You want to chant and sing, and drum – do it. Do it anyway. Do it despite yourself.
Playing small doesn’t serve anyone, but it feeds the fear voice. I notice when I am in fear, I edit myself and become silent. I find myself listening to the voice that says, “That’s the craziest idea I ever heard.” Or the one that says, “Who do you think you are?” When I share about my creative workshops/circles with other people, I might get ‘that look’ or stare or even a reply of a long OKAY. Right away my mind translates that to mean that I’m strange. Finally, I had the courage to ask someone what they meant by their “OK response” and they said they were not sure what I meant and were embarrassed to ask for more information. I could have given into the fear and thought I ought to be silent or I could play full out and ask for more.
My Life Coach Paulette was so on target about playing full out and recognized my emergence in the world. As she put it, “It is time for you to shine, to emerge, to play full out. It is time or it wouldn’t be keeping you up at night. It is time because every shred of evidence points at the value you create and I know you’re committed to continuing creating it.”
Eleanor Roosevelt taught this lesson as well many years ago when she said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I am ready to play full out and make a larger contribution in the world. I am committing to doing one thing afraid every day and I invite you to join me.
What is one thing you are willing to do today to play full out?
Whatever it is, do it afraid!
Special thanks to my coach & friend Paulette Rao who has been a special part of my journey to emerge. http://truenorthresources.com/home.html
Also, to learn more about Lynn Twist, check out her Soul of Money Institute. http://www.soulofmoney.org/about
My MTA Mystical Moment
Thursday, May 7th, 2009
- NYC subway
Just when you think you have experienced everything on the NYC subway system, you wake up and realize that new experiences are there waiting for you. Last week, I took the G train to Brooklyn and realized in my almost 20 years in NYC, I had never taken the G train before. I felt like a little kid taking a ride and felt excitement come over me as I discovered new parts of the city.
I wasn’t always open to new subway moments. As a matter of fact, I have had my share (like most New Yorkers) of MTA frustrations, announcements, delays, and cancelled services. Throughout my years taking the MTA subway into Manhattan from the Bronx, I have been delayed by hours due to sick passengers, kicked off the train for unknown reasons, asked to exit through all the cars because of a fire, and left stranded at East 180th Street.
For many years, I had subway anxiety. I worried about getting to work late and panicked when the train was delayed for “traffic ahead.” Having to stand for an hour on the subway also caused a lot of distress. I decided to travel with a good book and iPod to help get me through my ride with more ease. I would tune out the announcements and concentrate on reading and listening to my favorite music or podcasts.
This past week, I had an amazing MTA mystical moment. I was listening to the Oprah-Spirit Channel Podcast – that alone is a mystical moment. I had downloaded a few podcasts that expand my thinking and spark my creativity. On this particular morning, I was listening to an interview with Oprah and Daniel Pink (his book A Whole New Mind is amazing). In the background, the conductor was making announcements about delays. At first I ignored them, but then our train stopped for at least 5 minutes, and the announcement came again, “We are sorry for the delay. There is a police investigation up ahead. As soon as we receive clearance, we will proceed.” Passengers started mumbling, cursing, and rolling their eyes at the announcement.
I thought, ‘I can handle a small delay.’ Then, there was another announcement about the delay. I made my iPod louder to block it. Finally, after the third announcement, the words “police investigation ahead” echoed in the background. I took a breath, closed my eyes, and became still in the midst of a crowded subway car. In that quiet space, I could hear a soft voice inside repeating the words, investigation, investigation, investigation. And the moment came when my mind allowed the questions to come in and I could hear myself ask, “What needs investigation in your life right now? In what areas do you need to investigate?”
I let the questions float without answering them. I began to see a screen of areas in my life that need further exploration. I started my morning by experiencing the delay as an opportunity to investigate parts of my work, relationships, and dreams.
The delay taught me the lesson of slowing down and not rushing from thing to thing. Am I in a rush or is my mind in a rush? Looking for the bigger picture in the smaller moments can be some of the greatest gifts – even with a half hour delay due to a police investigation. I am grateful to the MTA for giving me the mystical moment to slow down and investigate my life. What a beautiful way to start the day! Perfect!