Archive for the ‘Learning’ Category
Yes, It Gets Better
Monday, October 4th, 2010
As Ellen DeGeneres said, “One life lost in this senseless way is tragic. Four lives lost is a crisis.” The tragic wave of suicides among young people who have been targeted because of their sexuality has prompted many news stories. “And these are just the stories we hear about. How many other teens have we lost? How many others are suffering in silence? Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.”
Many of us felt alone and isolated in high school as we tried to figure out who we were in the midst of so many physical and emotional changes. Hopefully, we had someone we could speak with to let us know we are perfect just the way we are.
For many youth struggling with their sexuality, reaching out can be a frightening idea. In his video, Dan Savage reminded young people, “It Gets Better.” It’s a YouTube project where he and his husband sat down in front of a camera and told their stories about their horrific high school experiences and, more importantly, how they both survived, thrived and have gone on to live happy, healthy, joyful lives. As Savage said about the project, “I felt it was really important that, as gay adults, we show them that our lives are good and happy and healthy and that there’s a life worth sticking around for after high school.”
This is no longer a gay issue; it’s an issue of saving our young people from suicide. Homophobia has consequences — we are losing too many young people everyday. We cannot afford to lose one more young person to suicide.
What will your message be to a gay youth?
Yes, it gets better.
Mary Anne
If you know of a young person struggling with their sexuality and/or in need or suicide prevention, please visit the Trevor Project.
What Is The Cost of Intolerance? Lives.
Friday, October 1st, 2010
As I read the reports of the tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi who leapt to his death from the George Washington Bridge after allegedly having his sex life broadcast all over the web, I am saddened by the disregard for basic humanity and dignity. More information will come out about this story, but the invasion of privacy and the bullying that takes every day is unacceptable. In the meantime, I send my thoughts and prayers to Tyler’s family as they mourn their loss.
According to the Associated Press, there have been at least 12 cases in the U.S. since 2003 in which children and young adults between 11 and 18 killed themselves after falling victim to some form of “cyberbullying” — teasing, harassing or intimidating with pictures or words distributed online or via text message. And according to statistics, gay and lesbian youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide.
I personally know the pain of wanting to hide my sexuality and even having suicide as an option as a teenager. Luckily for me, I was never humiliated or harassed. I didn’t experience the hate and intimidation that so many of our gay youth face.
Every time we destroy another human being in any way, we destroy something far greater than one individual or group.
What is the cost of intolerance? Lives.
Mary Anne
Are You Ready to Do More Than the Status Quo?
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Seth Godin speaks about Redefining Failure. Godin says, “We think failure is the opposite of success and we optimize our organizations to avoid it.” In other words, we treat everything we do as if it ought to be a non-failure. He thinks we have narrowly defined failure. Godin continues, “Failure creates urgency. Failure gets you fired. Failure cannot stand; it demands a response. But the status quo is simply embraced and, incredibly, protected.”
There are so many places in our life when keeping the status quo seems easier than going with something new that may fail and we might learn from that. What if we redefined our definition of failure so we could experience something new, make changes, and create new opportunities?
Stepping up with a new idea and failing and then making changes is far more successful than doing the same thing with little or no result. I think of my friend Joe who will move to the West Coast in January after twenty years in New York to live his dream or my friend Clayton who invests in promoting his LGBT organization by offering gift card incentives to homeowners.
I am looking at how I could redefine failure. I could stay with the status quo and continue doing really good work in New York or I could expand into Provincetown and/or other global parts of the world and see this as an amazing chance of growth—even if there is some failure.
I am ready to do more than the status quo. Will you join me?
Mary Anne
The NYC Subway Is My Teacher
Monday, April 19th, 2010
After more than 18 years of taking the NYC subway, I still am learning lessons of patience and opportunity. I take the subway into Manhattan daily to go to work. It’s pretty tedious and most days I drive on autopilot to park my car near the subway. I hop on an “express train”, which takes about an hour to get into lower Manhattan from the Bronx. I have become accustomed to delays due to “train traffic”, “sick passengers”, “signal malfunction”, and “police activity” (and other delays that are not announced, but am sure are for good reasons). Just recently, the MTA announced that due to necessary track work, my express train is going to run local in both directions until August 2011. This translates into an additional 15-20 minutes on the train (despite the MTA saying it would mean an additional 5 minutes). For the next year and half, my train will run on the local track.
I started this local commute a few weeks ago and realized I was standing a long time. By the time I got to my office, I noticed I was more tired and cranky. The first thought was to blame the MTA and their track work. Then I blamed the train for being too crowded. I was getting ready to go onto a new rant, when I stopped myself and asked what this slower ride could teach me. I realized that this slower commute was an opportunity. I had more time to read, to draft ideas, to scan a blog, to nap, and to meditate. With the train moving slower, I was able to notice the sunrises and sunsets that I normally just blinked through.
Then I began to list other ways I could commute into the city. I could take the express bus or try a different train route. The NYC Subway became my teacher. It taught me that I could slow down and that I have options. How many times have I thought I must do something one way and that’s the only way it could be done? And why am I in such a rush to get into the city? Is slowing down such a bad thing?
The subway ride is teaching me to slow down. I can look at other areas of my life and see I have options. And most importantly, I don’t have to always be on the express track.
Are you willing to get off the express track in life and head onto the local?
Mary Anne
Time to Eat the Frog
Tuesday, April 6th, 2010
When I first heard the phrase, Eat the Frog during a workshop with Janice Hoffmann, I was both hesitant and interested. Curious to hear more, I leaned forward to find out what Janice was talking about. Essentially, Eat the Frog means starting your day by tackling the most challenging thing on your list. Develop the habit of doing the hardest thing first – the thing you put off to the end of the day – the one that never gets done. It’s about creating space in our day to do what we love. If we put off eating the frog, it’s always there, waiting for us.
We spend so much time on smaller tasks, we run out of time to do what might need the most inspiration or energy. We multi-task in the hopes more can get done and then wonder why we feel so exhausted. There was a time being able to do ten things at once made us feel successful. But all we need to do is one task a time with full attention. Eating the frog is about performing a task that is crucial for our growth, our business, or our life, even if it is not fun. In the end, eating the frog gets us farther.
How do you prepare for your day? What do you really want to pay attention to and complete? Successful people know how to eat the frog. Entrepreneurs eat the frog every day – they take risks. Listen for the most important task, write it down, and do it. Think about the last time you wanted five more minutes of sleep or will go for that walk tomorrow – how did you end up feeling?
We tell ourselves we don’t have enough time. We may not have time for everything we want to do, but we always have enough time to do everything we choose to do.
Go ahead – Eat the Frog!
Mary Anne
Loving Our Worth—Priceless
Monday, April 5th, 2010
Every now and again we question our worth—our value. We spend time thinking about our own value and our value in relationships. I recently had an experience where I allowed thoughts about my value with a friend get in the way of my friendship. I convinced myself that my friend was moving on to bigger and better things in her life, building her business, and on the path to finding her soul mate. I translated this to mean she no longer “needed” me and I doubted my value in her life. I questioned our friendship and in doing so devalued both of us.
I allowed my fear to get in the way of our friendship. It’s like the story of the fifty-dollar bill. A workshop speaker stands at the front of a seminar and holds up a fifty-dollar bill. He asks the audience who would like the fifty-dollar bill. Almost all the hands go up. He lets them know he will give it to one of them, but first takes the bill and begins to crumple it into a ball. He asks the audience again, “Who wants this bill?” Many people still raise their hands. Next, he takes the bill and places it on the floor and grinds his shoe into it.
“Now who wants the bill?” the speaker asks. People still raise their hand. He smiles and tells the audience that just because he crumpled up the money and stepped all over it, it did not decrease the value—it’s still worth fifty dollars.
Many times, we feel like that crumpled bill. We make mistakes, we say things that can be hurtful, make poor decisions, and allow ourselves to feel unworthy. The reality is that no matter how crumpled, stepped on, or out of sorts we may feel, we always keep our full value—that which is love.
Love is about reciprocity. Love doesn’t worry about being liked and having approval. Love exists within our inabilities, imperfections, and faults—and our value never decreases. Relationships built on wanting to be liked will waiver; relationships built on loving our worth and the worth of each person we meet—priceless.
Peace, Mary Anne
Dedicated to Rev. Joyce Meyer for reminding me of my value & letting go.
What Informs You?
Thursday, March 25th, 2010
Have we all lost our minds? It’s the only explanation I have for the savage way some people have responded to the new Health Care Reform that was just passed (i.e. throwing bricks into people’s windows, making threats to families of Democratic members of Congress). Obviously, many people have strong opinions about Health Care – as they should, it’s our health we are talking about. But my question is, whose opinion do we have? Is it our own educated opinion or is it the opinion of talking heads on the television or radio?
How do you become informed? Who do you listen to? When you are listening, are you even aware of how your body is reacting? What informs you? If the health care conversation is causing great stress and struggle, anger and resentment, what could you do to become calm and centered in whatever actions you may want to take?
I have been curious to hear all sides. I want to know what people like about the Health Care Reform and what they don’t and why—not just generic comments, but specific ideas. It’s about being curious, being educated, being open, being willing to listen, and most of all, being civil.
Who you are will inform how you will respond. How do you want to BE?
Here is to civility prevailing over violence.
Mary Anne
Empty and Full
Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
I am a creature of habit. Every morning, after getting ready for work, I check my emails, read a few blogs, and scan some ‘tweets’ on Twitter. I look for inspirational quotes, stories, and book recommendations that make my mind and heart expand. I always find something.
Recently, I read a tweet of a Haiku poem by Stevie Ray Robinson, and I immediately emailed it to myself so I could print it out and put it in my journal. It expressed in a few words the simplicity of being empty and full, and fading illusions.
Beginning and end…
Empty and full of all thoughts…
Illusions fade now
Each word has meaning. The words, empty and full of all thoughts, repeated in my head. There is a sense of flow and nonattachment. In infinite time and space, my habits could be less restrictive and more expansive. As I create new habits of self-love, self-care, deeper connections, expressing my voice, and writing daily, this Haiku reminds me of something my beloved teacher and friend taught me many years ago with the expression, “We ought to take our work very seriously, but not take ourselves so seriously.
Some of my habits will fade away and the ones that remain will be full of passion, happiness, and love. May every word I express today be generous and expansive.
To being empty and full,
Mary Anne
Thank you Stevie Ray Robinson for sharing your beautiful Haiku. I want to dedicate this blog to my friend Louis Alloro for deepening my understanding of limitless time.
Popcorn Ceremony
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
While visiting a youth program in the Bronx last month, a young boy looked up at me and asked, “Do you want to join our popcorn ceremony?” I told him I would love to join his popcorn ceremony and asked him to tell me more about it. “Well, it’s very special”, he told me. “First, you have to have all the ingredients, put them on the table, pour the special corn in the popper, wait a few moments because at first it seems as though nothing happens because the popcorn is so quiet. Then, it gets very loud and the corn pops like crazy. Look, we can even dance while it’s popping.” A few boys start swinging and swaying as the popcorn maker shakes on the table. After a few sporadic pops, the boy opens the lid and ever so gently pours the popcorn into a striped glass bowl. He then whispers thank you to the popcorn, takes a handful, and passes it around to the other boys in the group. Each boy is careful to only put what fits in their hands to eat and they keep passing the bowl around. We pass the bowl around at least ten times.
I have been to wedding ceremonies, prayer ceremonies, fire ceremonies, and even tea ceremonies, but this was my first ever popcorn ceremony! Given the right attention, openness, reverence, could more of what I experience be ceremony? If young boys can pay attention to their popcorn and create a ritual out of that, could I be more mindful of the rituals I create in my life?
After finishing the popcorn, the young boy looked at me and asked, “Did you like our popcorn ceremony?” I told him it was one of the most fun and sacred ceremonies I have ever been to in my life. They asked me to define sacred – and it was with ease that I told them it was the purposeful act of paying attention to their popcorn and each other. “It is the respect you gave to making popcorn as well as helping each other and sharing it.”
“We have popcorn ceremony every day. Will you come back?” Yes, I will.
Let’s share more ceremony,
Mary Anne
Creating a “triZENbe” in 2010
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
As 2010 arrived with anticipation, so too did all the questions. What do I want to happen in 2010? What are the deepest contributions I can offer others this year? What is my focus/theme for 2010? What I am willing to do afraid?
At first, these questions became quite overwhelming. To answer them, I decided I would get still and just listen. I repeated the questions over and over as mantras. My focus for 2010 came to me with the words ZEN and TRIBE. I want the peace of stillness and the love from gathering people in welcoming, generous, and supportive ways.
Can I create a new energy of both ZEN and TRIBE? Yes, because it already exists inside of me. I am naming this new energy: triZENbe. This year I will focus on being still before leading, gathering people in whatever ways I can to generate more tribes, and creating community meditations. The triZENbe definition is still unfolding and it is very exciting. I hope you will join me on this journey.
What contribution will you offer yourself and others? What are some things you are willing to do afraid? Create your own triZENbe. Experience the whole you in 2010!
Here is to Zen filled peace and the fullness of gathering in tribes,
Mary Anne